Language of Nonviolent communication (NVC)

In Nonviolent Communication, language is considered “violent” when we judge the behavior of others or impute intentions to them that they have not communicated. We often interpret or judge others even though we do not know their actual motives. In doing so, we cross a boundary and this leads to conflict.

We often use such language to protect ourselves or set ourselves apart. But it hurts: it pushes the other person into a corner and prevents genuine connection. Judgments block open communication and leave little room for empathy and understanding. Judgmental, evaluative language that uses accusations, insinuations, demands or even punishes is called “authoritarian language”.

Example of authoritarian language:
“You are completely ignorant and you don’t care about me!” (accusation, interpretation, insinuation)

Example of NVC:
“I see you don’t look at me when I speak. That makes me sad. I would like your attention. Can you tell me why you’re not looking at me?” (observation, feeling, need, request)

Nonviolent Communication invites us to be curious and to discover the whole reality of a person behind their behavior. It means staying with ourselves: What do I see? What do I feel? What do I need? Instead of talking about others, we give ourselves space to express our experiences in an autonomous and authentic way. This creates genuine connection – the basis for understanding and connection.

We learn to perceive people without judging them too hastily. NVC speaks of a “process-oriented language” that does justice to life in all its depth. This means that through authentic contact with the NVC, we can develop strategies together on how to reconcile our needs instead of forcing others to do so through power.

“Nonviolent communication is a language beyond right and wrong.”
– Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg

NVC focuses on feelings and needs that all people share. It asks: “What is alive in you? What do you need?”

Authoritarian language stems from the old autocratic structures we come from. There, people were kept down through power and control – through phrases such as “you should”, “you must”, “you are bad”, etc., we have forgotten how to say what we actually want. With NVC, we can let go of this development and express ourselves freely and openly again without attacking others. We can be “real” and connected with others again. This is an essential source of vitality in our lives.

NVC is a language for genuine encounters – at eye level.