Four steps of Nonviolent communication (NVC)

Nonviolent Communication is more than just a method for resolving conflicts – it is an attitude. It helps us to speak honestly and empathetically with others and to take responsibility for our feelings and needs.

With the “Four Steps of NVC”, we can say what is going on inside us without expectstions, blaming or judging others.

The Four NVC Steps are:

Observation:
We describe what we see or hear – without judgment or interpretation. For example, “You were looking at your cell phone during the conversation.”

Feeling:
We say what we feel in this situation. For example: “I feel sad/anxious/annoyed.”

Need:
We look at what need is behind our feeling. For example: “I need attention / appreciation / connection.”

Request:
We formulate a specific request for the moment. For example: “Can you tell me if you have time for this conversation right now?”
Important: A request is not a demand. The other person is free to decide whether they want to respond.

Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of NVC, summarized the four steps as follows:
“When I see … then I feel … because I … need …. That is why I would like to …”